Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize