how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize