I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
