i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
