she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
