Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize