3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
