She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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