whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Vodka?
Forever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
