so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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