I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
