Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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