i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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