he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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