Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
