I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize