As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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