I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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