i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
