youre lurking in front of me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
