idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
