What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
