just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
