you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
