WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
