I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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