I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
