Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
