Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
