Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
