i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can feel your judgement through the phone
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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