I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
