spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
