Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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