Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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