that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
