at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize