The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
