unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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