I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
