hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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