just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
