my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
