and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
