Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
