I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
