just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
