dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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