something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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