i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
