I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
