Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize