I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
