I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
