we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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