Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
