My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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