i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
