he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
