yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
