i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
