Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
