So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
