I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
