So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
