I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
