I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
