Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I understand Curling. That high.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She even gives head with a lisp.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
