So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
