I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
