I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
